July 18, 2012


I have this blog bookmarked. It does good things for me.


Auditory Experiences

Guys... I want you to take a deep breath with me. In.... out...

This might be a little intense for those not familiar with teen internet slang and such, so I'll eventually break it down. Bear with me.

I am just a little emotional right now.. because I just had my first "eargasm." Yes. You read that correctly. I realize that is a sort-of-vulgar term if you switch a couple letters, so don't go googling it if you don't know what it means. I'll explain.

I thoroughly recommend these. Beauty lies within their metal exterior.

My ears were very pleased with my new earbuds. I picked them up as a last minute thought in Walmart... I plugged them into my laptop and started listening to Some Nights by fun.... and then it was beautiful. I've never had technology make me feel like crying happy tears before, and just ten minutes ago, it happened. It was glorious! Chill bumps!

July 17, 2012

Anyone Except You

"I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone." That is a phrase said by many who've lost loved ones. When I lost my brother, I said that. But the difference between me and most people was a meant it. I really meant that I wouldn't hope for anyone to experience what I was feeling at that moment- even the family of my brother's killer.

I think most people assume that when a person does something that is illegal, it only affects the perpetrator. It doesn't. It affects their family, their friends, and every single person connected to them. Most people who cry "I wouldn't wish this on anyone" change their minds when the person who hurt them is found or convicted, and eventually the person who uttered such a merciful statement is found yelling the words death penalty.

Is that consistent? Is that even fair? Don't get me wrong, I believe in consequences, and sometimes people don't change and have no remorse. But sometimes people just take time to change, and I don't believe taking the chance to become a better person away from anyone. Yes, having someone taken away from you sucks. It hurts. It would hurt less if the person had stabbed you instead. But lashing out because of that hurt is not justified. Just as you, as an adult, would not hurt someone when you are hurt, neither should you be intent on getting revenge that you will not benefit from. I realize that you are on pain but you are not a child.

My brother is not coming back no matter how long his killer stays in jail. Your mom, dad, cousin, or child will not be avenged if their killer dies. He or she will look down on you and hope that that your hurt goes away. The dead are not vengeful. The dead are not angry. The dead are either peaceful or regretful and there is nothing they can do to change that. So for goodness's sake, take a look at yourself and fix your own hurt before you go and pray for someone else's heart to be torn out.

Too Philosophical

      Somebody mentioned that I should get away from my family. And quite honestly, I love that idea. A gym is going to become my bff in the next couple of weeks and I am pumped! Lots of Zumba, maybe some kickboxing, and maybe something really vague like "Brazilian Butt Lift?" I've gotta say, that sounds kind of dirty. Oh well. I'm all for... positive... experimentation?
      My mom and I are going to go on vacation and leave my dad at home. I am rather excited and she said she'd like to leave this week although we have no idea where we're going, and these days I am not the "let's jump in a car and go somewhere, because the journey is the destination" type of person.
      My mother also suggested that I was "tech-addicted." I won't deny that 100%. But at this very moment, my dearest laptop is proving to be a nice little escape away from all the cleaning/laundry/shopping/planning/driver's testing I feel like I have to do. And my philosophy is that if something is working for you and not hurting you... it's working for a reason.
      Back to the gym or whatever. I have one punch left on my Zumba card, and will be using that today. I get to talk to someone my age today! In real life! How exciting, says the antisocial-in-summer teenager. I get to tell my darling friend all about my driving test (I refused to share through text message) and I am super pumped to try out kickboxing. And yoga. I want to go to yoga. I think that might be really good for me.
      My fitness friend also suggested that I go to a jewelry store owned by someone who also Zumbas with us and is wonderfully insane. She apparently makes pretty things out of moths and butterflies. Dead moths and butterflies. I'm really worried to go in there, although I'm sure everything is gorgeous. Is it inhumane? Does she only use dead ones? Does she cut their cute little insect-y lives short for her own personal enjoyment? Does she take joy in the fact that she dismembers their bodies? I feel like I want to ask her. But I don't. But I do! You know? One of those crazy internal debates.
      Hmm. Maybe I'll type up a poem or two and throw them on here for your personal enjoyment. Yes, you. I have a secret! (I know you're reading. ) How sweet of you! Thanks by the way, for making me... popular. Maybe I should take my name off of my blog posts if I'm going to be popular. But I don't think that will be a major problem any time soon.
      I feel the need to make you aware that us blog-writers are very interested in who our readers are. Sometimes we resort to very interesting measures to know our audience... and the best of us do know our audiences quite well! Just thought I'd throw that out there for you to chew on.
      Three weeks of summer left, I've accomplished next to nothing, and that is about to change. More excitement ensues! On a happier note, my mother made whole-grain spaghetti so I have a nice lunch waiting on me. Go Mom!

July 13, 2012


I heard a new one today. Yay for Appalachian stereotypes!

"The only virgins found in the Appalachian mountains are the ones that can outrun their brothers."

It might be wrong, but I laughed. Loudly.

July 11, 2012

Comfort and Chill Bumps

It (Sucks)

      Some days feel like a battle. I keep pushing to feel good about it, keep trying to forget about it and just be me for once. But some days I feel like it controls me. It is mine, and I should be able to shave it, bend it, shrink it, or crack it if I want to, but it keeps acting like it has a mind of its own. It doesn't! It's my mind, and "it" is mine, so it should do what I want it to.
      Even my positive thinking doesn't work. For the longest time I dreamed that I could wish it all better and it would be gone just like that. But it's not! It's sticking around for my whole life, and that is stressful. It is uncooperative, stubborn, and downright pissed off for no reason. Sometimes I hate it. But I'm told I'm supposed to love it, because it's mine and I can make it whatever I want it to. But changing it will take time and I am impatient with nothing but myself.
      I want to harness it in, and break it down into something healthier but it is hard and stressful. Sometimes I wish I could switch with someone else. I know I am supposed to love me and everything that is mine, but right now I hate it.

July 9, 2012

Synonymous (Do Not Pass Go)


[bich] noun

For this purpose, see definition 3.

3. Slang
a. a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman.
Synomyns: shrew, nag, termagant, virago, harpy, fury, spitfire, scold

Most people who know me are aware that I rarely use profanity because there are other words that are more sophisticated most of the time. This morning, however, I am at a loss for anything but the crude itself, so I googled it, and I will now proceed to use a few synonyms and the definition in my blog post this wonderful grand beautiful gorgeous day.
     Today at my driving test, my examiner started of by being very polite and condescending. It made me feel great! She then showed her true colors by continuing to look down on me, maybe because I was wearing lime green, and began to act like a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially of the female persuasion.
     She was a condescending, hateful person this morning (although maybe not always) and proceeded to harp on me pretty darn hard. She decided to, at the very end of my test, let me know that the person behind me was honking because I "almost stopped" (I didn't) at a green light while turning left. I was ensuring that the woman acting like a shrew next to me wasn't hit by a car. Maybe I should have been less careful.