July 17, 2012

Anyone Except You

"I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone." That is a phrase said by many who've lost loved ones. When I lost my brother, I said that. But the difference between me and most people was a meant it. I really meant that I wouldn't hope for anyone to experience what I was feeling at that moment- even the family of my brother's killer.

I think most people assume that when a person does something that is illegal, it only affects the perpetrator. It doesn't. It affects their family, their friends, and every single person connected to them. Most people who cry "I wouldn't wish this on anyone" change their minds when the person who hurt them is found or convicted, and eventually the person who uttered such a merciful statement is found yelling the words death penalty.

Is that consistent? Is that even fair? Don't get me wrong, I believe in consequences, and sometimes people don't change and have no remorse. But sometimes people just take time to change, and I don't believe taking the chance to become a better person away from anyone. Yes, having someone taken away from you sucks. It hurts. It would hurt less if the person had stabbed you instead. But lashing out because of that hurt is not justified. Just as you, as an adult, would not hurt someone when you are hurt, neither should you be intent on getting revenge that you will not benefit from. I realize that you are on pain but you are not a child.

My brother is not coming back no matter how long his killer stays in jail. Your mom, dad, cousin, or child will not be avenged if their killer dies. He or she will look down on you and hope that that your hurt goes away. The dead are not vengeful. The dead are not angry. The dead are either peaceful or regretful and there is nothing they can do to change that. So for goodness's sake, take a look at yourself and fix your own hurt before you go and pray for someone else's heart to be torn out.

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