Some days feel like a battle. I keep pushing to feel good about it, keep trying to forget about it and just be me for once. But some days I feel like it controls me. It is mine, and I should be able to shave it, bend it, shrink it, or crack it if I want to, but it keeps acting like it has a mind of its own. It doesn't! It's my mind, and "it" is mine, so it should do what I want it to.
Even my positive thinking doesn't work. For the longest time I dreamed that I could wish it all better and it would be gone just like that. But it's not! It's sticking around for my whole life, and that is stressful. It is uncooperative, stubborn, and downright pissed off for no reason. Sometimes I hate it. But I'm told I'm supposed to love it, because it's mine and I can make it whatever I want it to. But changing it will take time and I am impatient with nothing but myself.
I want to harness it in, and break it down into something healthier but it is hard and stressful. Sometimes I wish I could switch with someone else. I know I am supposed to love me and everything that is mine, but right now I hate it.