February 22, 2013

nbpm- Got Soul

Aristotle said, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." Do you agree or disagree?

I disagree vehemently.

Every person is individual, which is a fact that most people have no problem recognizing. Most people have heard the quote that talks about how copies aren't worth a penny. 

A soul isn't like a dollar. You can't divide it in half- each one is unique. Every person has his or her own. And although some may say that the 'halves would draw near each other,' having half a soul wouldn't do anyone any good. People are designed to love and want to be near other people, but that doesn't mean that those people have to share souls to want to be with one another.

This quote doesn't do it for me. I don't ever want to be in a relationship that I lose my independence or sense of self in. I want to be able to be myself- not to be half of a person.

Someone has to be okay by themself before they can be okay with someone else. Relationships that are codependent lead one person to always giving and one person to always taking and no one wants to be one thing all the time. Relationships take work, and love certainly takes work. People don't just make relationships work out of nowhere- it takes cooperation between two very different people and sometimes things don't work out. One soul can't have a relationship with itself. It has to find one that complements it in a perfect way.

Be your own person. Nurture yourself. If you take care of you, someone (not your other half- you are whole) will come along and help you then ask you to return the favor. Don't be ridiculous. Actually, do. Just be ridiculous in a way that is all your own.

February 21, 2013

nbpm- Without Love

The song with the same title from Hairspray comes to mind. Life's a forty-five when you can't buy it. (Without love) life's like getting my big break and laryngitis! Like a week that's only Mondays, only ice cream, never sundaes, like a circle with no center, like a door marked do not enter! Darling, I'll be yours forever cause I never wanna be without louhouhouhuhoooove darling never set me free. I'm yours forever. Never set me free, (Tracy) no no noouhoo.
That was your showtune of the day.

But now onto actual content. Today's question is: can people live without love?

The song? Well obviously. In fact, dear reader, my singing/quoting last paragraph might have made you want to pull your hair out.

The choice/feeling/situation?  I believe people can survive without love. It's not a basic need. Your body doesn't need to receive an adrenaline rush from seeing someone or need to feel comforted when someone else is near. A human can survive without love, without a doubt.

However, just because you are surviving doesn't mean you are living.

All people are made up of three 'parts,' if you will: the body, the mind, and the spirit.

Your body will have no trouble whatsoever living without love.

Your mind can live without love, but it's not really all that healthy and it will usually accept some other emotion like anger or hatred as the norm. Your mind wants to feel love. It wants the emotional high. It wants the security so it has one less thing to worry about.

But your soul, your spirit, your heart... your soul cannot thrive without love. Your soul was crafted with love in mind. Your heart cries out for love like the soil cries out for water. Without water, the grass can't grow, and trees can wither up and die. The same thing happens when your soul thirsts for love. It does not want for love as the mind does- it needs for love. It needs for warmth from its creator.

When we deprive our souls of that love of God, we spend much of our time trying to find a way to fill that deep imprint from love in our souls with junk. Some try to fill that hole with drugs, some with alcohol, some with sex. But those things will never fill you up. Those things will leave you panting for more, and like saltwater, will only leave you more thirsty.

But the water of the love of God is pure and undefiled. It fills the spirit up and satisfies completely. When God made us, He created us with a want for his love that someday we would find it and draw close to him.
Without the love he designed us for, we are lost. Without that great love of God, we will try whatever we can to fill that hole. I tried friends. I tried religion. I tried so many things and I was just surviving from day to day.

But I never truly lived until I found true perfect love.

February 20, 2013

nbpm- Because I Need You

Erich Fromm said, "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you'." How do you define mature love?

I copied this prompt at school today because I didn't want to misquote and my phone doesn't like me to copy and paste.

Immature love is what I think of as puppy love. You're just in a relationship and you really really like them.

Or maybe not even them, just the idea of having 'someone.' When we want immature love, the who doesn't matter nearly as much as the what, or the feeling. Chasing a feeling, however, will not lead to a happy relationship (especially a happy marriage) because feelings fade, and the person you are with is simply the means to an end.

In mature love, though, the person you are with is not the means. He or she is the end. In mature love you don't need to seek out a feeling because although the feeling is still there, like all human emotions, it comes and goes. Mature love is where you stick with someone because you love the person no matter what they're like this minute or this week. Mature love does not wane. It does not waver. It is not selfish; in fact, it is selfless.

Love, I think, comes on in stages, not following this system exactly. Maybe I should wrote out my theory someday. Crushes, infatuations, cares, wants to be near because of the butterflies, wants to be near because you're lonely, wants to be near for status, wants to be near as protection, then finally wants to be near because you genuinely love the person no matter what they do or say.

While the first few things on that list are certainly not bad, they signify that you haven't gotten to the mature part of your relationship yet. The next few are red flags that successful relationships cannot be built around or onto, and the final item on that list is mature love. I need YOU and no one else because I love you.

Grow together if you're in a relationship, and if you aren't, I encouarage you just as Sing of Solomon does to 'not stir up love until it pleases.'

February 19, 2013

npbm- MLKJ Quote Day

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
This is the quote I am to respond to today. My question is: "Which is easier for you? To love or to hate?" It is far easier for me to feel something in the middle like indifference. But if I had to pick one, it would be to love. I don't really think I hate any single person. Sure I don't like some people, and I would really like to avoid being around them at many costs, but I don't hate them. I think that it takes a lot of effort to hate someone. Hate stirs up bitterness because hate is like a blister and in the end it will only cause you oodles of pain. Love, on the other hand, also requires your time and energy. Whether you love a person or a thing, you end up having to commit time to this person or practice to maintain interest in it/them. Love is cooler. When you love you know you can give hugs out for free and not have to restrain yourself from sticking a knife in the hugee's back. This kind of reminds me of my Sunday school lessons on forgiveness- it's not just for the other person; it's for you too. Forgiveness, like love, helps unload burdens and change minds, which I'm sure you'll agree are two great causes. Love is a healthier choice that you can always be proud of.

February 18, 2013

nbpm- Romance and Books

The most romantic book I've ever read....

I think that would be Fifty Shades of Grey.

I'm joking. It's not. That's mommy-porn. Anyways.

The most romantic book I've ever read is probably The Last Song (Sparks) or Along for the Ride (Dessen.)

I enjoy both of those. You should read them. I cried at #1. I always cry at Nicholas Sparks. I don't even know why.

Sarah Dessen is just awesome! I love her. I follow her on twitter. She's super cool. And she just writes so eloquently as I'm surely not doing now.

I'm writing in

phrases

which is a

little bit

more like Ellen

Hopkins.

February 17, 2013

It Is Wrong

But cheating on blogging every day feels so right.

February 16, 2013

Cheating

I am a horrible person. Forgive me.

nbpm- 2 in 1

Oh Valentine's Day. It's a day of love and happiness and chocolate and flowers. Now, since we all enjoy those things seperately, I can't understand what's so wrong about celebrating them all together. There is nothing wrong with this holiday if you are celebrating these things.
However,  if you are using the supposed day of a saint to lure someone into bed with you, my church family and I will pray for you.
Keep it pure and keep it meaningful.
This year I appreciated being not attached more than I think I ever have. It's such a great feeling to love freely and in turn accept that love. I think you begin to appreciate people more as you age....

February 13, 2013

npbm- Valentine's Cards

If I had to send out a set of Valentine's cards to all my friends on Valentine's Day, I would send Ben Kling cards. They're hilarious. You should google them. "Weed be great together." "Roses are red, so is the state, let us be comrades because you are great."

On the flipside, there's this guy at my school who I am totally admiring from afar. Yesterday he was wearing glasses and my little heart skipped a beat or two. Shew, he is a cutie. And he has the whole tall not so dark handsome and intelligent looking thing going on. I had a few classes with him in middle school, but I know I've grown up a lot since then and I'm sure he has also.

I'm giving my friends Dr. Seuss themed V-day cards. Woot woot. I seriously need some sleep.

February 12, 2013

nbpm- Favorite Vday Candy

Sweet tarts and dark chocolate. I'll make this up to you on some day where I have time. Night.

February 11, 2013

nbpm- Ideal Valentine's Day

I am perfectly okay with being single on Valentine's Day. I am okay with not having a signifigant other to hug on or having a boy to give me chocolate. In fact, today is my v-day celebration.
Right now I am sitting at my church's banquet for this particular holiday, and I am with some friends who are older than me and several who are younger than me. I look at all of us at different stages of life and laugh at how close we've already become since we've started doing skits together.
But then I see big gaps like how one friend who I hope looks up to me refuses to talk to us or ask for help- ever. And it's times like these when I begin to question whether or not this will work, because she is so concerned about being somewhere else that she will never be able to be here. And I am horrified that this will not work.
I am horrified that we will never find anything in common and we will not be effective and we will not be unified. I'm so so scared this Valentine's day that all my hopes for this will go nowhere. I want so bad for this to work- I have wanted it for years and years and I'm so scared it won't work.
And sometimes like now when a friend crawled under the floor and beat under the floor where the adults are sitting and scared them halfway to death I get a couple of glimmers of hope that it's going to be okay. I'm just worried. I don't have enough faith. My ideal Valentine's Day is one like tonight with more faith, less worrying, and my friend.

February 10, 2013

Jumping the Gun

Today my assistant pastor preached on how hasty and sinful decisions can lead to disappointment and sadness. His first example was marriage. He spoke of how God didn't say that a man finding a woman was good- he said a man finding a wife was good. The same concept applies to us ladies also.

I agreed.with every word he said, and that doesn't happen all that often. That was probably because this part of the message was about waiting. I'm pretty good at waiting, I mean, I don't get impatient too often and I try to give people time to explain their ideas, and most of all I have learned to get over it.

I really want a boy to hug me today- oh well, God loves me more than anyone else could and his comfort is like none other. Back is sore? Too bad, take some Advil, sleep in a better position tonight.

Waiting is not fun sometimes and some days I just want to settle for the leftovers that fall off the table. But I know that there is more for me and when I meet the right person on down the road I will not have to settle.

I am so thankful for the peace that I have been given and God's assurance toward me. When I meet that person, I pray that everything about he and I brings honor to God because it will all be His (non)fault. When I get out of the picture, the right guy will find his way in.

February 9, 2013

nbpm- Movie

The most romantic movie of all time- well, I'm going to shy away from romantic comedies today, because those are usually very unrealistic.

Both of these made me almost cry.

A Walk to Remember. Oh Nicholas Sparks. Your love for making women hate you for their tears is astounding. You use cancer and charming men to pull at our heartstrings. Cancer sucks, and I love charming men. These two aspects make me swoon at the thought of this movie...and cry. I always have tear duct moisture.

Fireproof. I actually just watched this movie this year. Even though I am not in its target audience, it got to me. That's ridiculous. I want to do that if my marriage is ever in trouble. And I love how it's faith based! That's so awesome and it must have made the woman feel so so loved.

I want to feel that loved :( Well, I do, but by my main man Jesus obviously. He'll string along some poor chap for the ride some day. And what a poor chap he will be- to have to deal with my ramblings every single day for forever. But maybe we will both learn to love each other's annoyances. I think that's how it's supposed to go. So, morning showers (which I do not like) and church in the A.M. and I will let you know how it goes.

February 8, 2013

Indecent and Out of Order

I'm not doing my prompt today. I will do it one day this weekend, because I do not really feel like talking about romantic movies. Instead, I feel like...talking. Let me first direct you to the beautiful song that I'm listening to while writing this post. Give Me Love is a beautiful song that just makes me so happy. This version gave me chill bumps. I love me some Ed Sheeran. I would marry him. I would, just so I could have his last name and so he could sing to me every morning.

I'm so happy it's the weekend. My next two months are so busy, and I'm not going to know what to do with myself come late March. I guess all I'll have is you :(

Sorry if this seems disjointed. I'm not writing it all in one sitting. I'm just kind of writing as the fancy strikes me.

I am now bawling. SoulPancake always does it for me. Watch. Be amazed. Those people are ridiculously strong. I probably shouldn't complain about the burnt meal I had at cracker barrel or how they didn't have the brown rice with mushrooms and they charged me extra for my mushrooms and I was annoyed.

Oh well. That's how it works. Life is still good.

February 7, 2013

nbpm- The Ideal Date

Hi guys. The intro to today's is not as eye-catching as yesterday's. Forgive me.

My ideal date... Well, he would be tall, dark, and handsome... Actually I haven't met him yet so I really don't know what he's like. But I think I'll try to discuss the event instead (and as was intended.)

I've never been on a date. Carl was never classy enough to take me out (and I was still young... I don't think I'll let my kids date til they're older.).

Still, a girl can dream.... That sounded so depressing I laughed at myself. Goodness. Well, the type of date I'd really like to go is the kind that's simple but fun. You don't have to take me out to the opera or buy me lobster directly from Maine. I just want to have fun with the person I'm with and feel free to laugh, you know? 

I like zoos, I like aquariums, I like touring local farms and supporting the dairy industry, and if I really like you, I'll hike with you. I like good food and funny people and I want to see the person I'm with smile.

I imagine a date being real. It's not supposed to be some fake experience where two people laugh at bad jokes. It's supposed to be where two people start to get to know each other.

And for the record, if I go out with someone, I will laugh at their bad jokes so they don't feel like a failure.

That's not being fake. It's being polite. You should do the same.

February 6, 2013

nbpm- All My Exes Live in Texas

Actually, my singular ex, Carl, lives in my city so I didn't get to run away from him. If I could have, I would have. I don't like being close friends with exes. It's too easy for the feelings you had once to pop right back up again and you can't ever get yourself back into 'single mode.' If there's never a break in between couple Ben and Jane and just friends Ben and Jane, one or both of them will not be able to make the disconnect and will get hurt again.

That being said, I'm not a jerk to Carl. If I see him in Wal-Mart I say hi and ask how he is. But if he messages me on facebook I am clear and concise. I don't want to encourage travelling down that road again. Once is good enough for me. If you can't make it work with me the first time, I'd better be able to see a clear and obvious difference in either you or I before I sign up for round two of heartbreak.

I was discussing something with a freshman friend of mine- being picky. He asked how long I'd been single and I answered and it turned out he'd been unattached for a while too. He said I made him feel less alone in his solidarity. He also said he didn't feel like he should waste his time with someone who was just okay. I feel the same way! I like the way I am now. I don't want to be pressured to change from elsewhere and I don't want to have to deal with clinginess or jealousy right now.

If I like you, I'm going to make darn well sure that you're going to be worth my trouble. I don't do this halfhearted crap that some people put up with. I'm a gradual all or nothing kind of girl.

So my challenge to you this month is to look at yourself and the standards that you subconsciously or consciously set. Does the person you're with measure up? Are you bending over a dealbreaker and gonna strain your back? Or if you're single like myself, I'd like to encourage you to not lower your standards. You have them for a reason. Keep them high no matter how badly you want a back massage. Trust me, I know that feeling. But don't give in! You are strong! You are human! You can choose this for yourself. You are woman (or maybe man- do I have any manreaders our there?) so let me hear you roar!

February 5, 2013

nbpm- Falling in Love

Goodness, I thought he was cute and funny. To me he was the cat's pajamas and I was so caught up in feeling whatever I was feeling that I couldn't think straight. This feeling developed over a whole summer and rested quietly in my heart until early December. And then he was my first legitimate boyfriend and my first kiss. I thought it was great. Then two weeks later on my birthday that pathetic excuse for a relationship was over. But then I really stepped back and looked at what I felt. I wasn't all that sad about losing him- I've found that he was definitely replaceable. But what I missed so much after that brief and totally innocent affair was the feeling, and not the boy.

Today's topic is supposed to be about the first time I legitimately fell in love. Quite honestly that hasn't happened yet. Sure, at the time I wanted to be in love with.....we'll say Carl, but after the fact I found that if I had gotten in a fight with him I would have plucked my eyes out. We were that incompatible.

Carl made me realize something- although relationships may make you feel all nice and warm and fuzzy, if they are to succeed then both parties involved have to make an honest effort to look past the feeling and take that person for who they are. With Carl, I never did that. I kept a cute little pair of rose colored glasses on the whole time and I now realize that feeling that way and not analyzing the situation at all is stupid.

If there's one thing that rom coms have taught me, it's that you shouldn't settle for less than someone who loves you just the way you are. (And when I see your face....)

If there's one thing I know that no romantic comedy could ever teach me, it's that relationships are real and falling in love is real and human and not at all like the movies. You don't see someone in the hallway, go out on a date, get married, and stay together forever just like that. In the wise phrasing of my bio teacher, the reason high school relationships don't work is because hardly anyone is willing to work at it.

Unlike staying in love, falling in love is not always a choice. No matter how it happens take a step back and really look at who you're giving your heart to, because it is not East yo gané ir al baño. That was just too good of a typo to delete. I hit the Spanish option on my keyboard...

Because it is never ever easy to get your heart back once you've lost it.

February 4, 2013

nbpm 2- My First Crush and Other Developments

My first crush.... let me take you back to the first two, because they're both adorable.

Number one: Let's call him Joe. (His name wasn't Joe.) We were in kindergarten together, and he played barbie dolls with me. I was Barbie and he was Ken and we played house at school, then he asked me over on a playdate and we watched Spongebob (I wasn't allowed at home!) and played with all his firefighting heroes and watched Power Rangers. I was kind of a tomboy, but I was still heartbroken when he moved after first grade. :(

Number two: Let's call him..... Dave. I had trouble thinking of that one, because I still know him. In fact, I saw him in the hallway today and we didn't speak. Yeah, kids, don't fall apart or anything, but there's no hope for me falling in love with anyone from my elementary school. This one used to be adorable but we aren't in the same circles anymore and the one or two that are cute now are totally getting jiggy with it if you know what I mean (not with each other...obviously) and I'm not really into that. Back to Dave. I recovered from my heartbreak with Joe in just one short year, and in third grade I was swinging again. Dave was cute and funny and he always liked swinging with me on the playground, and he really enjoyed my inside recess karaoke renditions of "Genie in a Bottle." Yes, young Emily sang that song in front of her third grade teacher and all the boys in elementary school and I really really really really hope no one brings that up at my high school reunion when I'm married some years from now.... anyway. Dave. He came over to my house once and we sat under trees and swung on my swingset and we bought matching mood rings. I still have mine. We jumped on his trampoline and I hugged his dogs and golly, we were cute. For Valentine's Day that year, I made him a card, painted it with nail polish, and put on my play lipstick and kissed where the envelope met. This is where it gets steamy guys. We would call each other every night and on one night a week, we would each settle down in front of our respective television and watch...WWE together. Yeah. I'm totally serious. That was really romantic for a few minutes, huh? Yeah, I'm good at ruining the moment. I do that a lot, actually, especially when I'm feeling awkward...I guess I'll talk about my first kiss in one of these posts this month. Be on the lookout... Hardeeharhar. That didn't really end any better, but that's another story for another day. Happy ten days til Valentine's Day, readers.

I will be eating ice cream with my parents; what about you?

February 3, 2013

Life Goes On

I am going to hate nablopomo by the end of th his month. Oh well. At least I can late night text blog. I have a sick goat. I hate having sick goats. Her name is Susannah and she's one month away from having a baby and of course she gets listeriosis because of this ridiculous weather. Hopefully Dad gets to her with penicillin in time.

My mom told me that I was hateful today. I don't really think I'm that hateful. I'm just really abrupt and I don't like it when people question something I do or say with no foundation to doubt me.

I had a really good church service this morning, and in honor of the loooove month, I want to try to tell you about a few things or people that I love.

I love my church family! They have always been there for me with open arms when something went wrong and a congratulations when something went right. I am so thankful for their love, support, and talent, because theirs enriches mine!

I also love goats. It started two years ago when my father decoded he would try his hand at raising these four legged creatures. They were so sweet and caring and headstrong and they had babies and one of those babies is Bonnie! I remember how I used to lift her above my head I to the Bradford pear trees so she could eat and now she's a plump 150 pounds ans I can't lift her up anymore. Bonnie is my babe. She loves me for my treats, obviously.

It is 11:30. That is all.

February 2, 2013

Makes No Sense to Me

So, I don't really think I have anything to write about today, but I'm going to try to relate whatever I feel like typing to love instead of the other topic. I am tired and I don't have the energy to write about sex. Plus I have a headache.

Get it? Yeah, I know, I'm hilarious. I guess I will start by describing today's events. I woke up and there was snow on the ground. I got 0% of my homework done. I went to Walmart and saw an attractive college student that observes my bio class. Mmm, mm, mm. Does that make me a bad person? I mean, I'm seventeen... Can I not look? Not think about all the time or anything, because that would be awkward, but just look. I mean, not like I'm looking at thirty year olds, right?

You know what, I'm tired and it's late, and you're reading this so I know you won't judge. You know what I love?! I love you- you and your reading of my blog and your support and it just feels like we connect. Right? I feel like this is what I would sound like if I were drunk, but I wouldn't know because I'm underage and am a good kid. I'm babbling. And yawning. Earlier I coughed and sneezed at the same time and lemon iced tea went up my nose. Not a pleasant experience. Anyways.... good night. Perhaps tomorrow will bring more serious topics.

February 1, 2013

nablopomo- February 1

love in the sand



I am going to try my darndest to do this every day, because last time it failed and I was sad. No one likes feeling like a quitter, and I felt like a quitter. This month, however, I will succeed, however awkwardly!

My question of the day is about the last time I said 'I love you." Well, the last time I used that phrase was to my father yesterday morning as I left for school. I think it's funny how I can say that I love him and I feel like punching him in the face sometimes, but I hardly ever say I love you to my mom. I don't really understand my reasoning on that, conscious or subconscious. I've just kind of accepted it as a way of life- I say I love you to my momma when I go on long trips, and that's about it. And on Christmas, and on her birthday and other family-oriented holidays.

Perhaps this means that I am actually an emotionally frigid person in hiding. I'm sorry, that was cynical. I'm sure that you know by now that I'm not quite frigid.... just a smidge award and another smidge realistic about feelings.

I don't think you should say I love you unless you mean it. It's not always some phrase that you should throw around. Granted, I throw out some I love you's to friends when they're being ridiculous or when they're feeling sad to express my happiness for their friendship, and I guess those feelings are sometimes love. But from my limited experiences in relationships, I feel as if you should be very very careful when you say 'I love you' to someone you lust. Love implies a commitment. You don't always feel a commitment. I believe pretty strongly that love is sometimes a choice, at least the kind that lasts is. And when you're in a relationship, of course you want it to last, but the phrase "I love you" will not do that for you. Sometimes it scares people away, sometimes it stings, and sometimes it's plain confusing. Romantic love isn't always romantic- it's also commitment love. I think that sometimes you have to have the romantic love taken away before you realize how strongly you want to commit.

'I love you' is not a magic elixir that will make the object of your desires want to stay with you forever. It is not a cure-all to all of the problems in your relationship. After being with someone a week or who, you definitely do not love them. You love the giggly lightheaded feeling you get when you are with them. Please be realistic. Those words carry more weight than most people realize. They're not a promise, but that doesn't mean they aren't strong. They imply a feeling, a desire, an earnest want to be with that person no matter what.

While you are young, you should step lightly around and on that kind of love. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are strong and you are learning to be independent and you don't need to feel that type of love to be okay. You're great with the love of your family and friends. It's teaching you to love completely before you have to test it out on someone you like.

Thirteen days from Valentine's day, and I am just as single as I could be. I have a great family, a great church family, and a great God that's going to help me through my whole life. He's not going to drop me no matter what I do. So while I am waiting to be ready for someone great to waltz into my life, from Him and all the people he has blessed me with, I will learn to love more deeply and strongly this February. And I am going to that youth rally tonight- come hell or high water.