February 1, 2013

nablopomo- February 1

love in the sand

I am going to try my darndest to do this every day, because last time it failed and I was sad. No one likes feeling like a quitter, and I felt like a quitter. This month, however, I will succeed, however awkwardly!

My question of the day is about the last time I said 'I love you." Well, the last time I used that phrase was to my father yesterday morning as I left for school. I think it's funny how I can say that I love him and I feel like punching him in the face sometimes, but I hardly ever say I love you to my mom. I don't really understand my reasoning on that, conscious or subconscious. I've just kind of accepted it as a way of life- I say I love you to my momma when I go on long trips, and that's about it. And on Christmas, and on her birthday and other family-oriented holidays.

Perhaps this means that I am actually an emotionally frigid person in hiding. I'm sorry, that was cynical. I'm sure that you know by now that I'm not quite frigid.... just a smidge award and another smidge realistic about feelings.

I don't think you should say I love you unless you mean it. It's not always some phrase that you should throw around. Granted, I throw out some I love you's to friends when they're being ridiculous or when they're feeling sad to express my happiness for their friendship, and I guess those feelings are sometimes love. But from my limited experiences in relationships, I feel as if you should be very very careful when you say 'I love you' to someone you lust. Love implies a commitment. You don't always feel a commitment. I believe pretty strongly that love is sometimes a choice, at least the kind that lasts is. And when you're in a relationship, of course you want it to last, but the phrase "I love you" will not do that for you. Sometimes it scares people away, sometimes it stings, and sometimes it's plain confusing. Romantic love isn't always romantic- it's also commitment love. I think that sometimes you have to have the romantic love taken away before you realize how strongly you want to commit.

'I love you' is not a magic elixir that will make the object of your desires want to stay with you forever. It is not a cure-all to all of the problems in your relationship. After being with someone a week or who, you definitely do not love them. You love the giggly lightheaded feeling you get when you are with them. Please be realistic. Those words carry more weight than most people realize. They're not a promise, but that doesn't mean they aren't strong. They imply a feeling, a desire, an earnest want to be with that person no matter what.

While you are young, you should step lightly around and on that kind of love. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are strong and you are learning to be independent and you don't need to feel that type of love to be okay. You're great with the love of your family and friends. It's teaching you to love completely before you have to test it out on someone you like.

Thirteen days from Valentine's day, and I am just as single as I could be. I have a great family, a great church family, and a great God that's going to help me through my whole life. He's not going to drop me no matter what I do. So while I am waiting to be ready for someone great to waltz into my life, from Him and all the people he has blessed me with, I will learn to love more deeply and strongly this February. And I am going to that youth rally tonight- come hell or high water.

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