February 11, 2013

nbpm- Ideal Valentine's Day

I am perfectly okay with being single on Valentine's Day. I am okay with not having a signifigant other to hug on or having a boy to give me chocolate. In fact, today is my v-day celebration.
Right now I am sitting at my church's banquet for this particular holiday, and I am with some friends who are older than me and several who are younger than me. I look at all of us at different stages of life and laugh at how close we've already become since we've started doing skits together.
But then I see big gaps like how one friend who I hope looks up to me refuses to talk to us or ask for help- ever. And it's times like these when I begin to question whether or not this will work, because she is so concerned about being somewhere else that she will never be able to be here. And I am horrified that this will not work.
I am horrified that we will never find anything in common and we will not be effective and we will not be unified. I'm so so scared this Valentine's day that all my hopes for this will go nowhere. I want so bad for this to work- I have wanted it for years and years and I'm so scared it won't work.
And sometimes like now when a friend crawled under the floor and beat under the floor where the adults are sitting and scared them halfway to death I get a couple of glimmers of hope that it's going to be okay. I'm just worried. I don't have enough faith. My ideal Valentine's Day is one like tonight with more faith, less worrying, and my friend.

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