Well... As you may have gathered, I have been going through sort of a rough time lately. I've been up and down a lot- usually up in public and down in private.
Yesterday was one of those bad days. I was tired and ready for my first dress rehearsal to be over and a friend and stage manager said something about me and Michael being together.
We're not. We are so not. Aside from him being the ex of a friend, he and I are way too strangely different. He's atheist. Although I don't have an issue with a friendship like that at all, I do have an issue with a relationship like that. God didn't make me just so I could pick anyone I have chemistry with and go for forever with them. While I might date someone on another boat later on in life, it won't be to recruit them. He gets kicked off the list of possible suitors mostly because he's a jerk.
I will link an article I read entitled, "Whom You Marry Matters." I loved it, and I knew it was from God. I have a really clear personal conviction to not date until I am for sure that God is okay with it. I don't want to step out of His will for my life for some boy who's not supposed to be there yet or at all.
But this week I found myself getting clingy to Michael. I don't know what my subconscious is up to, but I don't like it. The only thing I need to cling to is God. (My phone has some pretty great autocorrects. It just changed cling to fong, which is kind of racist because a chickie who I'm pretty sure is Michael's crush is Asian.) Anyway, I know that any satisfaction that I get from being with someone is only temporary unless it's through Christ.
So when I look for assurance and affirrmation with people I know that you aren't going to find anything permanent. People change, opinions change, but the love of God never wavers. In Him I have to find my strength, instead of looking to a boy. Even though it's quite tempting to want to feel wanted, back up and look at what you're doing...note to self.
That being said, my faux pas wasn't really a sinful one- I just rambled about a couple of insecurities to Michael in a message. On Facebook. Yeah, you can laugh. The only thing I should be doing on Facebook while upset is asking for prayer from my church family.
I actually avoided him in the hallway today, which is kind of hilarious. at least he doesn't think I'm perfect?
Life is good, even when you do things that are embarrassing. I desire your prayers.
P.S. I am worried that my ex is going to ask me to his senior prom. "What should I say?" asks a confused Emily to her readership and her Savior. Like I said, prayers!